While many letters seek to identify various threats to our nation, white males, terrorists, Republicans, etc, one recent offering identified a seemingly innocuous target; COWS. I thought at first this was an acronym for some nefarious organization such as, Coalition Of White Supremacists, but instead, it only meant, cows. Bovines. Bossie and Flossie. Those staples of state and county fairs and 4-H Clubs. The dangers these animals present were identified as cows eating too much and smelling bad, characteristics shared by many humans as well. This is no half baked theory either, but rather a conclusion arrived at after extensive first hand investigation.
The writer declared she has traversed our nation from coast to coast and border to border, logging thousands of miles and tallying millions of cows, carefully chronicling the evidence of environmental annihilation and olfactory assaults which these menacing beasts have wrought. Far from the innocent, grass munching milk machines they like to be portrayed as, they are actually more sinister than Ghenghis Khan and Ivan The Terrible combined. But rather than just a single letter, this writer would be well advised to begin a blog such as “The Manure Pile” providing updates and progress reports to fellow members of the “mooo-vement” and helping to “mooo-tivate” people and build “mooo-mentum” for the cause.
Readers would be encouraged to “seize the mooo-ment” and work to “remooo-ve” this mooo-numental” threat. Let’s get organized and set our sights high. You know. Shoot for the mooo-n.
— David White, Oroville